Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Names

I've always been fascinated with names, with what they mean. A name gives power, it gives definition. Christens take upon them the name of their deity when they are baptized, in the Book of Mormon this becomes even more clear, as we read in Second Nephi Chapter Thirty One, verse Thirteen; which reads:
"I know that if ye shall follow the Son, with full purpose of heart, acting no hypocrisy and no deception before God, but with real intent, repenting of your sins, witnessing unto the Father that ye are willing to take upon you the name of Christ by baptism..."
Additionally, when Abram covenanted with the Lord, he was given a new name and became Abraham. So too, in the Lord's house are his servants clothed in power and glory, and given a new name as a sign of the covenant they make therein.

It's a long winded way of saying it but I suppose that is my way of backing up my belief that names have power, and my belief that is held true in the Heavens above as well as on Terra below. Thus, I explain my numerous name changes, not that I have changed my name, but that I introduce myself as someone else. Shedding the new man and becoming newly minted Xan.  My roommates found out that Xan was not my first name, or even my complete middle name and they asked why I had gone to such efforts. I shrugged. I didn't know how explain to them the feelings that arose within me as I contemplated and enacted a name change.

How do you explain that sometimes you must reenter the womb, and be born again? To give up the things you had, the things that you were and to take up the mantle of some new persona, not in name only but to step away from the clinging mass of a dying life and arise clean again. It marks a moment, clear, distinctive and separate a point when you can look back and say, that was then, this is now.

Perhaps for someone who makes fewer mistakes it would be acceptable, but I am not that person. My life is riddled with regrets and remorse, and a clean slate appeals to me more than I think it ought. But regardless, I am new and changed, and the name should reflect that.

No comments:

Post a Comment